The transition from March to April brings the realization of what my professors and classmates have termed “crunch time”.
Crunch time apparently refers to the mere weeks before the torture that is finals week is upon us, and the end of the spring semester. It’s an odd temporal experience: absolutely dragging a** after weeks crammed with excessive consumption of content (a lengthy list of primary readings & secondary readings full of theory and literary criticisms – and dense 18th century philosophy), online discussions and long classroom discussions back to back from 9:30 am to 2pm, as well as writing. Lots of questions, analysis, criticisms, argumentation, and a distinct lack of naps and alone time to actually digest all of this academic ‘stuff’. This is contrasted by the change in seasons accompanied by a change in weather, a slow rise in temperatures (a few false starts to spring that is so common to New England), and a longing for more free time and other pursuits.
And that is precisely why I chose to take a mental health day today.
The sheer amount of reading, especially classic texts I am not at all personally interested in (I’m leaning more toward contemporary than classical — sue me) and are decidedly NOT holding an ounce of my sustained focus with my attention continuing to wander elsewhere int he midst of my current novels. As of this week, I have finished “How Beautiful We Were” by Imbolo Mbue and am making my way through volume III of Jane Austen’s Mansfield Park, and starting Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. Honestly, I don’t hate the English classes at URI, but two of them this semester as entirely to 18th century philosophy heavy, and I am not here for it. It’ll be a relief when it’s over. I am actually looking forward to the last novel for the easiest class this semester, “The Overstory” by Richard Powers.
I am in the midst of slowly reviewing much of the literary works and primary readings for this semester, so stay tuned for that in the coming weeks.
But today, I needed to skip the hour-ish commute there and back, and sitting in class from 9 am to 2 pm to focus on actually being able to read and digest what I was consuming at my own pace — and to work on discussion posts for Brightspace due this week, as well as start two essays due soon. Thankfully, my professors were understanding; I haven’t been abusing the unexcused absence allowance in the syllabi. Frankly, I think I’ve been trouping on fair well until now, diligently doing the coursework and showing up to classes. So, I deserve a break.
Because ‘spring break’ wasn’t much of a break. Unfortunate, but never a surprise.
Today, I went for a few walks to move some restless energy. Caught up on readings, and finished two assignments due soon. I’m actually feeling pretty, not being on campus and just taking the day at my own pace. It’s something I’ve noticed about myself over the last few years. I seem to function better and thrive when I’m left to my own devices, taking life at my own pace, and not constant peopling all day. Obviously, I’m an introvert, deeply introverted, and crave alone time at this point of my life. Peace and quiet and tranquility. I don’t wish to be completely cut off from others, but I’m far more discerning about who I spend a lot of time with, and when I’m around others. After the chaos of a traumatic childhood and adolescence, I just want to go my own way and allow only healthy and mature people in my life now. No more mentally and emotionally immature, manipulative, abusive, irresponsible people incapable of growth or consideration of others.
But, I digress.
Mental health breaks are necessary in this capitalist driven tepid modernity.
I have come to thoroughly appreciate the almighty Pause now. I love slow mornings where I can take my time waking up, getting dressed, eating a warm fresh cooked breakfast before getting into the day’s work and to-do lists. I also like quiet evenings with exquisite, languid unwinding rituals like reading for pleasure (things I actually want to read like paranormal fiction or sci fi) or things I’m curious about (like my current fixation of Japanese folklore & mythology), stretching and foam rolling the day away, long hot baths, multiple cups of hot tea or hot cocoa, well-cooked meals, watching an episode of a beloved show or listening to a podcast or book on Audible. Simple, soulful, fulfilling, relaxing.
And naps. I also appreciate naps now. A full sleep cycle of an hour or hour and a half, proper nap.
I believe introverts and HSPs (highly sensitive people – and others with sensory issues or neurodivergence) in particular need mental health days. Those of us that can become incredible overstimulated in some environments or overwhelmed by endless parade of people or the cacophony of cityscapes or long to-do lists. Hyper productivity of influencers and hustlers everywhere has always been a turn-off for me, and many others people I know. Likely due to the fact that I’m not a naturally competitive person and don’t put my stock into worrying about having a long resume of accomplishments or needing to alway be doing something with my self-wroth tied up in career-chasing or corporate ladder-climbing.
None of that brings any meaning or purpose or fulfillment to me.
It’s fine if others are excited or motivated by all of that, but I also accept that plenty of amazing people on this planet are also like me. Even people who are somewhere in between. Everything exists on a spectrum, not just neurodivergence or gender identifications. How we live is so incredibly individual to each of us; personal lifestyle preferences, individual needs, personalities, mental health capacities, physical capacities, and so many variables contribute to the colorful existence of human lives across cultures. The same goes for the spectrum of mental health.
Mental health is just as important as physical health.
Mental health is self-care.
Mental health is important to healthy relationships and deep connections.
Mental health is necessary for meaningful professional work and creative work.
And its also a very nuanced topic. Something even a long, meandering blog post can’t possibly cover, but I do have some more posts planned to speak on the topic in greater depth. I want to focus (for now) on balancing mental health with university as an adult student. As well as mental health as someone who is working through complex PTSD, and neurodivergence. Things I have personal experience with and have much to convey in those topics. Not just my own experience, but also the tools and tips I’ve employed myself in this winding journey.
For now, I’m going to go finish my mental health day, and seek that well-cooked dinner, hot bath, and unwinding rituals I mentioned above. It’s 6 o’clock in the evening as I wrap up this blog, and look forward to interesting weekend plans.
And then on to the last four weeks of the spring semester.